Hey fabulous RN readers!
You know what I did the other night? I tried one of those ‘Bubble sheet masks’. You know what I’m talking about. I’ve tried the regular sheet masks before where, if you happen to catch yourself in a mirror, your first reaction is to do a karate chop to disable the creepy horror movie invader that has clearly snuck into your home to kill you? The thing you’re afraid to wear around your dog because he *might* attack you or render your significant other completely asexual? Yeah…THAT one with the stupid flap that never extends the full length of your nose. But the bubble mask? You’ve GOT to try it. You go from Mike Myers to a loveable Abominable Snowman in minutes and it’s Ha-larious. You can thank me later.
We do the stupidest things to feel and look beautiful, amiright?
At last year’s APAC conference (This is the big narrator conference that all the publishers and narrators attend) I wanted to wear an eye-catching dress that happened to be a snug fit. Since I work in pajamas every day, I’m not used to ‘body shapers’, but boy did I need one for this dress! These one-piece shapers have pee holes. PEE HOLES!!!!!! Because once you’re hermetically sealed in tight, getting out of it is like opening one of those Pillsbury cannisters that’s like the adult version of a jack in the box. I can’t even with those rolls. But….back to the onesie from Hell. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I had to completely disrobe to go because…it was too risky. I’m just not that coordinated. Gross.
Full disclosure: As I was writing this, I had the fleeting thought that maybe I just assumed it was a pee hole, but it’s really for like…air circulation or something. Ugh. I’m not girly girl. So, before I made myself look like an idiot, I looked it up and GUESS WHAT? It is AND they make special devices to make your shaper more…uhh…flow friendly. What is this wizardry? Check it out here:
And don’t get me started about the shoes. Now, I thought I really had it nailed down. If I wear the shoes for a whole day before the event, I’ll break them in or know they’re comfortable enough for an event. I’ve done this and it still doesn’t work. Ya’ know how you get suspicious when your car hits a certain mileage and your ‘check engine’ light comes on? I swear shoes do this. Like, whatever important event you’re attending gives your shoes the ‘perfect storm’ of hidden discomfort. Wet weather, stairs, spontaneous dancing….and suddenly spikes shoot into your foot like some instrument of death straight from James Bond headquarters. Even ballet flats have tricked me. I’m looking at you, arch support.
Here’s the thing. You know what makes me feel beautiful every single time? Listening to a good romance. We all know how it goes, maybe you’re on a particularly naughty part in your oversized plaid pajama pants and a T-shirt you commandeered from….8 exes ago and you’re blowing your nose because allergies suck this season and *oops* you just farted, but holy cannoli you’re all up in your book boyfriend’s business and nothing.else.matters. In that moment, you are living in this world and you put in exactly zero effort. No primping, sucking your stomach in, or pain involved. You get to fall in love over and over again and there’s nothing better than that. But seriously. Try the bubble mask. It’s a close second.